I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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