I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
