So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize