I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
