just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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