How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
