Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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