I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
