I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
