you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude. I can hear the air.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
