Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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