The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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