I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
