I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
