To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
