it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
