it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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