These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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