Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I need a beard to bite.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
