Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
