Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
