I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
