Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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