the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
