you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
