Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
