hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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