Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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