Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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