a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
