**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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