I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
