Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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