i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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