my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
