The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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