Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
