FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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