A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
