I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
