so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
