I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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