So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
