barbara walters just said penis...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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