YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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