She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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