Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
