ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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