Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
