she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
