i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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