i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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