Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
