do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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