You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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