Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
