I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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