The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
farters have to be the big spoon...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize