if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
