It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
