I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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