Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
