party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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