Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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