I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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