She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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