The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
