actually, I'm a sock model
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
