Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
