There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
