Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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