you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
