Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize