My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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